Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
