Whod you bang
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
