I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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