So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
