New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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