last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
