she was so not down for the gang bang
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
