I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
