If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
