wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
