i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
