Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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