I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
