Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
