when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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