I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I stole a fireplace last night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
