the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
