Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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