I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
