So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
