WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
