I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
