I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize