All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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