Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
