covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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