You can't motorboat a personality
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
