I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My pussy is not your playground.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
