I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you traded sex for a burrito?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
