Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
