I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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