What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
