We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
