Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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