He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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