its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
