Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize