There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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