Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
please come you make the beer taste better
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
