I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
