I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
