Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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