Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
