ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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