she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
