you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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