I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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