Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
