Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
