I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
