I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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