absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
