u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
