I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
