today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
