i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
