i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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