just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
