Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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