sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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