I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
