They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He felt like a one man threesome
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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