Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
