Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
