So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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