dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
