I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
