A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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