well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize