and you said cock pushups were impossible
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
