is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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