if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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