My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
